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Thursday, November 18, 2004

Fight breaks out in a room full of rappers

Violence erupted last Sunday night as Snoop Dog was about to honor Dr. Dre with a lifetime "achievement" award during taping of the Vibe Awards in Los Angeles. The incident shattered the rap and hip-hop community's long-time image as a docile harbinger of peace and tranquility, leaving millions of fans horrified and confused.

As chairs were thrown and fists flew during the bloody melee, Jimmy James Johnson had a knife plunged into his torso. Authorities are currently looking for Nashville rapper "Young Buck" in connection with the stabbing. He is expected to be hiding somewhere between the left and right pant legs of a sagging pair of 48-inch-waist jeans.

Slug posted by Carter Laren @ 01:01

Wednesday, November 17, 2004

PETA launches "fish empathy" project

Enough said.

Slug posted by Carter Laren @ 21:00

Thursday, November 04, 2004

Arafat may finally earn his Peace Prize

Since being awarded the Nobel Peace Prize in 1994, some small part of Yasir Arafat must have known how ridiculous it was for the world to extol such a notorious thug for his "contributions" to peace. And now, 48 years after founding the terrorist group Al Fatah and decades after organizing the execution of American and Belgian diplomats, the Achilles Lauro hijacking, the Munich Olympics massacre, and countless other bombings and murders, the infamous PLO leader is finally trying to set things right the only way he can: by dying.

Although not yet technically dead, sources say that Arafat has slipped into a vegetative state requiring ventilation machines to remain alive. His greatest contribution to peace is expected to follow shortly, when his heart weakens beyond repair and his lifeless flesh begins to rot away.

Slug posted by Carter Laren @ 21:18

Wednesday, November 03, 2004

Islam: religion of peace

Dutch filmmaker Theo van Gogh, distant relative of 19th century painter Vincent van Gogh, received a belly full of Islamic peace and love yesterday when he was brutally murdered on the streets of Amsterdam. Shot and stabbed in broad daylight at the front door of the city council office, 47 year-old van Gogh managed to flee to the other side of the street, where he was shot and stabbed again, and died.

Van Gogh's assailant, a 26-year-old man with dual Dutch and Moroccan citizenship, has been linked to an organization of Islamic terrorists recruiting youth in the Netherlands. The murder is thought to be in retaliation for van Gogh's recent anti-Islamic film, entitled "Submission," in which a Muslim woman is forced into a violent arranged marriage, raped by a relative, and punished for adultery.

And so, to protest the film's depiction of Islam as a violent, cruel, anti-human religion, angry Muslims shot and stabbed the director. Point made.

Slug posted by Carter Laren @ 10:04

Tuesday, November 02, 2004

News flash for CNN: Nader is irrelevant

Apparently, CNN has yet to figure out that Ralph Nader is irrelevant. On tonight's "America Votes 2004" election coverage program, Wolf Blitzer stands gesticulating in front of large, colorful "Race for the White House" graphics with all the usual media fanfare. And as millions of people watch transfixed, they see not just two names as viable presidential candidates, but three: Bush, Kerry and...Nader. The anti-industrialist candidate is even the subject of much discussion among the pundits and received airtime for an impromptu speech.

According to current Washington Post election results, even Libertarian candidate Michael Badnarik is more popular than Ralph Nader. Although his position may change by the time tallying is complete, one thing should be obvious: Nader's name does not belong on the short list of viable candidates, especially at the exclusion of others who are receiving more votes...unless, of course, someone at CNN has an agenda.

Slug posted by Carter Laren @ 19:39